The quality of your life is up to you.

"It's your unlimited power to care and to love that can make the biggest difference in the quality of your life.” Anthony Robbins

Powerful statement.

And a little annoying. You mean its up to me if I have a good life, if I am happy, if I am satisfied. It's up to me? I don't know if I can take that pressure. Its much easier to blame the spouse, a friend, or the dog for making my life miserable. It can't be me.

He wronged me by coming home late. (I'm so mad! Bad husband.)

She didn't call when she said she would call. (She must hate me! Bad friend.)

He ate my favorite shoes. (He did it on purpose! Bad dog.)

It's all about us, and our happiness. We put it on everyone around us. You! Make me happy!

I'm starting to wonder if that's where "guilt" comes from. We all know the pressure's put upon us. We want to make everyone happy. We know they depend on us to make them happy. And at the same time, we are putting that same responsibility on other's to do for us.

Maybe he's home late because he has a bad day at work and was just trying to get caught up.

Maybe she didn't call because her car broke-down in the middle of the freeway.

Maybe he ate the shoes because he was lonely.

Maybe it has nothing to do with us at all.

But we get so caught up in our own world and our own needs we push other's aside.

"It's your unlimited power to care and to love that can make the biggest difference in the quality of your life.” Anthony Robbins

What if instead of questioning the loved ones in our lives we just showed them compassion. Gave them the unlimited power of our love and care. What if we did that for ourselves? What would it look like if the pressure was off?

What would your world look like? In turn, what would the world look like through the eyes of the friends and family members standing next to you?

How about a 10 day challenge? For 10 days try to see the world through the eyes of the people you come in contact with, spouse, partner, friends, co-worker. Find the compassion for them and in turn, find the love and care for yourself. Put 100% of your happiness in your hands. And watch the magic happen.

Let me know how it goes. Good luck fellow dysfunctionals.

Help me, help them, help me!!

I have found public speaking to be one of the hardest things I do. I get nervous and all of the sudden feel like I am going to choke. I am convinced everyone there doesn't want to be there and I will surly forget my words. I think its my biggest fear. (God forbid someone leave the room when I'm speaking.)

But I am starting to realize, it's not my only big fear.

I am finding the second hardest thing (for me) is asking for help. Don't we all just want to "handle it" ourselves. We don't need any one's help. We can do whatever needs to be done on our own. That's what a strong person does, right?

Maybe not.

Just like public speaking it takes practice to ease the nerves. So today I practice on my other fear. I am asking for your help.

If you have read Pieces of Me and have enjoyed the book, it would be so helpful to me if you would write a review on Amazon. It doesn't have to be long or fancy. I'm currently trying to build a following, so anything will help improve my rating with them. The higher the rating the more they push my book.

So please, help me, help them, help me! :) :)

For those who have written a review already I thank you!

Attached is a link to my reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/Pieces-Me-Life-Recovering-Dysfunctional/product-reviews/0615663222/ref=sr_1_1_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Are you living in the middle of a storm?

"I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.” Dr. Haim Ginott

"It's my daily mood that makes the weather."

Is this not true in every aspect of our lives? Even when we are home alone watching TV. Our mood makes the weather where ever we go and with whom ever we touch.

How do you want to live your life? Not for others, but for yourself. If you find yourself frustrated, angry, or sad maybe its time to do a little digging. Maybe it's time to step-out of that feeling. Maybe it's time to find your sunshine.

What makes you happy? When you smile the biggest, when you laugh the loudest, what are you doing? When you feel most at peace, what are you doing? Who are you with? What are you most thankful for? Who are you most thankful for? How can you make time to do those things? Even if just 10 minutes a day. Time for you. Time for what re-charges you. Re-engergizes you. Takes care of you.

I believe your sunshine is right in front of you. You just need to take a step forward to find it.

How do we get through the tough times?

A reader asked me to discuss this questions.

I have to say, my readers sure ask the tough questions. I'm so thankful for my readers and the great thought provoking questions they ask.

My first thought for "getting through the tough times" is keep moving. Move forward.

It's easy to get stuck in the "why and how" of it all. Why me? Why now? Why isn't this resolved yet? How long will this take? How come this always happens to me?

We are stuck.

What we should be saying is "what." What do I need to do next? What would help me get out of this situation. What can I learn from this?

Ah, the what can I learn from this BS. (right.) But the truth is every difficult time teaches us something. It's just hard to see that when we are in the middle of it.

I'll use my recent car accident as an example. It wasn't a huge accident, I lived, obviously. But for the past two months I've been driving the streets terrified someone is going to hit me, again! Anyone that pulls up quickly behind me, sends me into a panic. And I ask myself "Why am I still so scared?" "How come this feeling hasn't gone away yet?"

Why questions. (poor me.)

What I should be asking is what can I do to resolve this fear? What can I learn from what happened? What can I do to prevent it from happening again?

Something like an accident, where you feel you have no control, it just happens to you, (right?) Maybe, but there is still a message in here.

First, I saw the car behind me. I saw the driver looked distracted. I even had the instinct to change lanes. But thought the typical "that's silly" and stayed in my lane. OK, lesson learned there. Go with gut!

But the most important lesson I learned was from my friend (Craig Sigl). He told me find a resolution.

To get unstuck, to move past the fear, we need to find resolution.

So instead of telling myself "why / poor me." I say "It's over." I don't have to live in a place of fear. I don't get hit by every car. I've only been in the 1 accident. I am OK. I'm safe.

I'm not cured overnight. But I'm feeling better about driving. Every time I have a scare I say the same things over and over. Every day I feel a little better.

So now, in whatever you are going through. Whatever tough time you are having. I challenge you to look inward. Become aware of what you are saying in the midst of your tough times. I challenge you to take action and keep moving. I challenge you to find a resolution.

Become aware of your words, find resolution, and move forward.

You will get through it.

I'll see you on the other side.

KB Women Interview

Thinking about purchasing Pieces of Me? Would you like more detail about the book? Listen to a recent radio interview.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2012/07/23/kbwomen-radio

For more information about KB Women. www.KBWomen.com

Thank you Krista for all you do.

An email from a fellow dysfunctional in recovery

I recently received a comment from a reader. Please feel free to contact me through my website or find me on Facebook. Search Pieces of Me Diana Lynn. I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and any questions.

See our conversation below.

 

Thanks for making it easy to communicate with you.  I LOVE YOUR BOOK.

In your story, “Find Greatness,” you challenge the reader to discover their dreams (a brilliant and difficult challenge). When you have a moment, I’d love to get your perspective on why it sometimes feels so hard to discover dreams and why it’s so easy to NOT take action.
Sincerely,
A fellow dysfunctional in recovery

Hello! And thank you for the email fellow dysfunctional in recovery!

This question is not easy. Many of us struggle to find and follow our dreams. So I thank you again for asking this very important question.

It's funny how different those two comments seem when you say them out loud. (hard to discover your dreams and why it's so easy to not take action). Yet they have the same answer.

I feel the reason people don't take action and why they struggle to discover their dreams is fear.

Fear holds us back. Our minds fill with "what if's" What if I fail? What if I mess up? What if people find out I failed? Before we start to take any action we've managed to talk ourselves out of it. Maybe if we don't talk ourselves out of it, there will be someone in our life that will feel the fear and talk us out of it. (I call those people dream squashers.)

On page 71 of my book, Pieces of Me I talk about following my dream of starting a business. I had told myself all the reasons I could fail. All the reasons I couldn't start my own business. And had just about succeeded in my own sabotage. But finally one single, lonely thought popped into my head "What I have to gain is so much more then what I have to lose."

(worth repeating) What I have to gain is so much more then what I have to lose.

In just about any situation we can talk ourselves out of following that dream. Let the fear win. If the fear wins, we lose.

I don't suggest anyone just jump into following any dream. But I ask you to think about what it is you want in and out of life. Using my example above, for me the possibility of setting my own hours, setting my pay rate, and no boss to answer to. That strongly out-weighed embarrassing myself if I had to tell people "I tried to start my own business but I didn't make it."

And honestly, where I would feel much embarrassment for that perceived failure. Others might be saying "good for her for trying, I wouldn't have the nerve to do that." Again, it's us holding ourselves back with our own words.

So I ask you, next time you find yourself taking a step back or taking a seat ask yourself "why?" Why did I step back? Why did I sit down and ignore that call to action? Was it because of fear?

Were you scared how people would see you if you failed? Were you worried it wouldn't work? Maybe its a stupid idea?

But what if it did work? What if its a great idea? What would you have to gain?

I'll give you a little homework.

If you are trying to discover your dreams and what you really want out of life, write. Do a 10-15 minute free write. Don't put down the pen or pencil for 10-15 minutes. Just keep writing. Let anything and everything come out. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, or if it even makes sense. This is just for you. Start writing everything you want out of life. What is your ideal life? What would you do if you have all the money in the world? What would you do with your free time? Who would you be with? Write it all down. The more you write the deeper you go. Sometimes it can be surprising what you discover about yourself.

Good luck! Thank you for reaching out. Please let me know if this was helpful to you.
Diana