Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

I wish you a very Merry Christmas.

&

I wish you much love, happiness, and peace in 2013.

We are with them.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers back to Newtown Connecticut.

There is no way to make sense of this tragedy. There are no words to ease the pain we feel ourselves, and for the families. There is nothing we can do to fix what has happened.

But, we can pray. We can send our love. We can let the families know we all feel the pain and we are with them.

We are with them.

Thank you Book Journeys

Thank you to Angela Lauria with Book Journeys. It was great speaking with you today about the writing process.

http://beta.blogtalkradio.com/book-journeys/2012/12/06/book-journeys-with-author-diana-lynn

Bothell & Kenmore Reporter

Check out my latest article with the Bothell & Kenmore Reporter.

http://www.bothell-reporter.com/opinion/180173961.html

Christmas is Coming!

Trying to think of some great stocking stuffer ideas?

How about a great book?

Pieces of Me: Life of a Recovering Dysfunctional is currently at ParkPlace Books in Kirkland. Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park, & Unity Church in San Leandro.

You can also purchase the book at Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Pieces+of+me+Diana+Lynn

Or directly from me!

Happy shopping!

Thank you Unity Church of San Leandro

 

A big thank you to Rev. Diana McDaniel. Pieces of Me: Life of a Recovering Dysfunctional is now in the Unity Church bookstore.

 

If you are interested in purchasing a copy of the book and your in the San Leandro area, please check out their store.

 

www.unitysanleandro.org

 

Thank you for your support.

Gremlins

Here is a recent letter from a reader.

 

First I really love your book. Thank you for writing it!

I completely understood what you said about following your dreams.  I was so inspired that I immediately starting putting plans together in my mind about my next career move.  I started envisioning the steps I needed to take, the classes I would register for to help brush up on my knowledge and how I was going to build muscle in the skill areas I'm weakest. 

Then, 3 days later... I was defeated by my own mind.  I managed to tear holes in everything I was excited about.  It's like there is a gremlin in my mind that is hell bent on making sure I remember how unskilled I am. 

Have you every had a gremlin like mine?  If so, how did you go about fighting your gremlin and keeping negative thoughts out of your mind.

Thank you in advance for your insight.

Sincerely,
Lost in my head

 

Hello Lost in my head!

 

Thank you for writing in. This is a great topic. We can all relate to what you said. Its so easy to take that important dream and rip it apart before we even take 1 step toward following it. We know we are doing it. We know we shouldn't do it. Yet by the end of the day, the dream is squashed.

 

I believe there are a few factors why we do this. But today I'm going to focus on one aspect. Another name for the "Gremlin" is the Ego. Our ego gets in the way.

 

Think about the questions you ask yourself when you start to rip that dream or goal apart. Think about those negative thoughts. Are they things like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'll never be able to pull this off. What if I fail? What if it doesn't work?

 

What if it doesn't work? What if you do fail? What does that really do to you? Chances are good, it will hurt your ego. You don't want to look foolish or stupid. You don't want to look like you don't know what you are doing.

 

So you just won't do anything. No one will ever know you can't do it, including yourself.

 

When the negative thoughts pop in your mind the next question should be "What does that really mean?"

 

What if I fail at starting my own business? I'll be a failure, you tell yourself.

 

Then what? What does that really mean? You made an attempt at something that didn't work. Maybe you learn from it and succeed next time. Or maybe you say, this isn't for me after all.

 

But what really got hurt here? Your feelings, your ego?

 

I've talked previously about how we are in charge of our own weather. We choose how we act / react to things, people, etc. So here we are again. Are we going to let our reaction or our own ego stop us from moving forward in life, for achieving our goals?

 

Next time you find yourself walking away from a dream, I ask you, dig a little deeper. Get past the negative talk and ask, what really is going to be hurt here?

 

If it's your ego, then press on.

 

"The greatest danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." --Michelangelo

 

 

The quality of your life is up to you.

"It's your unlimited power to care and to love that can make the biggest difference in the quality of your life.” Anthony Robbins

Powerful statement.

And a little annoying. You mean its up to me if I have a good life, if I am happy, if I am satisfied. It's up to me? I don't know if I can take that pressure. Its much easier to blame the spouse, a friend, or the dog for making my life miserable. It can't be me.

He wronged me by coming home late. (I'm so mad! Bad husband.)

She didn't call when she said she would call. (She must hate me! Bad friend.)

He ate my favorite shoes. (He did it on purpose! Bad dog.)

It's all about us, and our happiness. We put it on everyone around us. You! Make me happy!

I'm starting to wonder if that's where "guilt" comes from. We all know the pressure's put upon us. We want to make everyone happy. We know they depend on us to make them happy. And at the same time, we are putting that same responsibility on other's to do for us.

Maybe he's home late because he has a bad day at work and was just trying to get caught up.

Maybe she didn't call because her car broke-down in the middle of the freeway.

Maybe he ate the shoes because he was lonely.

Maybe it has nothing to do with us at all.

But we get so caught up in our own world and our own needs we push other's aside.

"It's your unlimited power to care and to love that can make the biggest difference in the quality of your life.” Anthony Robbins

What if instead of questioning the loved ones in our lives we just showed them compassion. Gave them the unlimited power of our love and care. What if we did that for ourselves? What would it look like if the pressure was off?

What would your world look like? In turn, what would the world look like through the eyes of the friends and family members standing next to you?

How about a 10 day challenge? For 10 days try to see the world through the eyes of the people you come in contact with, spouse, partner, friends, co-worker. Find the compassion for them and in turn, find the love and care for yourself. Put 100% of your happiness in your hands. And watch the magic happen.

Let me know how it goes. Good luck fellow dysfunctionals.

Help me, help them, help me!!

I have found public speaking to be one of the hardest things I do. I get nervous and all of the sudden feel like I am going to choke. I am convinced everyone there doesn't want to be there and I will surly forget my words. I think its my biggest fear. (God forbid someone leave the room when I'm speaking.)

But I am starting to realize, it's not my only big fear.

I am finding the second hardest thing (for me) is asking for help. Don't we all just want to "handle it" ourselves. We don't need any one's help. We can do whatever needs to be done on our own. That's what a strong person does, right?

Maybe not.

Just like public speaking it takes practice to ease the nerves. So today I practice on my other fear. I am asking for your help.

If you have read Pieces of Me and have enjoyed the book, it would be so helpful to me if you would write a review on Amazon. It doesn't have to be long or fancy. I'm currently trying to build a following, so anything will help improve my rating with them. The higher the rating the more they push my book.

So please, help me, help them, help me! :) :)

For those who have written a review already I thank you!

Attached is a link to my reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/Pieces-Me-Life-Recovering-Dysfunctional/product-reviews/0615663222/ref=sr_1_1_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

Are you living in the middle of a storm?

"I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized.” Dr. Haim Ginott

"It's my daily mood that makes the weather."

Is this not true in every aspect of our lives? Even when we are home alone watching TV. Our mood makes the weather where ever we go and with whom ever we touch.

How do you want to live your life? Not for others, but for yourself. If you find yourself frustrated, angry, or sad maybe its time to do a little digging. Maybe it's time to step-out of that feeling. Maybe it's time to find your sunshine.

What makes you happy? When you smile the biggest, when you laugh the loudest, what are you doing? When you feel most at peace, what are you doing? Who are you with? What are you most thankful for? Who are you most thankful for? How can you make time to do those things? Even if just 10 minutes a day. Time for you. Time for what re-charges you. Re-engergizes you. Takes care of you.

I believe your sunshine is right in front of you. You just need to take a step forward to find it.

How do we get through the tough times?

A reader asked me to discuss this questions.

I have to say, my readers sure ask the tough questions. I'm so thankful for my readers and the great thought provoking questions they ask.

My first thought for "getting through the tough times" is keep moving. Move forward.

It's easy to get stuck in the "why and how" of it all. Why me? Why now? Why isn't this resolved yet? How long will this take? How come this always happens to me?

We are stuck.

What we should be saying is "what." What do I need to do next? What would help me get out of this situation. What can I learn from this?

Ah, the what can I learn from this BS. (right.) But the truth is every difficult time teaches us something. It's just hard to see that when we are in the middle of it.

I'll use my recent car accident as an example. It wasn't a huge accident, I lived, obviously. But for the past two months I've been driving the streets terrified someone is going to hit me, again! Anyone that pulls up quickly behind me, sends me into a panic. And I ask myself "Why am I still so scared?" "How come this feeling hasn't gone away yet?"

Why questions. (poor me.)

What I should be asking is what can I do to resolve this fear? What can I learn from what happened? What can I do to prevent it from happening again?

Something like an accident, where you feel you have no control, it just happens to you, (right?) Maybe, but there is still a message in here.

First, I saw the car behind me. I saw the driver looked distracted. I even had the instinct to change lanes. But thought the typical "that's silly" and stayed in my lane. OK, lesson learned there. Go with gut!

But the most important lesson I learned was from my friend (Craig Sigl). He told me find a resolution.

To get unstuck, to move past the fear, we need to find resolution.

So instead of telling myself "why / poor me." I say "It's over." I don't have to live in a place of fear. I don't get hit by every car. I've only been in the 1 accident. I am OK. I'm safe.

I'm not cured overnight. But I'm feeling better about driving. Every time I have a scare I say the same things over and over. Every day I feel a little better.

So now, in whatever you are going through. Whatever tough time you are having. I challenge you to look inward. Become aware of what you are saying in the midst of your tough times. I challenge you to take action and keep moving. I challenge you to find a resolution.

Become aware of your words, find resolution, and move forward.

You will get through it.

I'll see you on the other side.

KB Women Interview

Thinking about purchasing Pieces of Me? Would you like more detail about the book? Listen to a recent radio interview.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2012/07/23/kbwomen-radio

For more information about KB Women. www.KBWomen.com

Thank you Krista for all you do.

An email from a fellow dysfunctional in recovery

I recently received a comment from a reader. Please feel free to contact me through my website or find me on Facebook. Search Pieces of Me Diana Lynn. I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and any questions.

See our conversation below.

 

Thanks for making it easy to communicate with you.  I LOVE YOUR BOOK.

In your story, “Find Greatness,” you challenge the reader to discover their dreams (a brilliant and difficult challenge). When you have a moment, I’d love to get your perspective on why it sometimes feels so hard to discover dreams and why it’s so easy to NOT take action.
Sincerely,
A fellow dysfunctional in recovery

Hello! And thank you for the email fellow dysfunctional in recovery!

This question is not easy. Many of us struggle to find and follow our dreams. So I thank you again for asking this very important question.

It's funny how different those two comments seem when you say them out loud. (hard to discover your dreams and why it's so easy to not take action). Yet they have the same answer.

I feel the reason people don't take action and why they struggle to discover their dreams is fear.

Fear holds us back. Our minds fill with "what if's" What if I fail? What if I mess up? What if people find out I failed? Before we start to take any action we've managed to talk ourselves out of it. Maybe if we don't talk ourselves out of it, there will be someone in our life that will feel the fear and talk us out of it. (I call those people dream squashers.)

On page 71 of my book, Pieces of Me I talk about following my dream of starting a business. I had told myself all the reasons I could fail. All the reasons I couldn't start my own business. And had just about succeeded in my own sabotage. But finally one single, lonely thought popped into my head "What I have to gain is so much more then what I have to lose."

(worth repeating) What I have to gain is so much more then what I have to lose.

In just about any situation we can talk ourselves out of following that dream. Let the fear win. If the fear wins, we lose.

I don't suggest anyone just jump into following any dream. But I ask you to think about what it is you want in and out of life. Using my example above, for me the possibility of setting my own hours, setting my pay rate, and no boss to answer to. That strongly out-weighed embarrassing myself if I had to tell people "I tried to start my own business but I didn't make it."

And honestly, where I would feel much embarrassment for that perceived failure. Others might be saying "good for her for trying, I wouldn't have the nerve to do that." Again, it's us holding ourselves back with our own words.

So I ask you, next time you find yourself taking a step back or taking a seat ask yourself "why?" Why did I step back? Why did I sit down and ignore that call to action? Was it because of fear?

Were you scared how people would see you if you failed? Were you worried it wouldn't work? Maybe its a stupid idea?

But what if it did work? What if its a great idea? What would you have to gain?

I'll give you a little homework.

If you are trying to discover your dreams and what you really want out of life, write. Do a 10-15 minute free write. Don't put down the pen or pencil for 10-15 minutes. Just keep writing. Let anything and everything come out. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, or if it even makes sense. This is just for you. Start writing everything you want out of life. What is your ideal life? What would you do if you have all the money in the world? What would you do with your free time? Who would you be with? Write it all down. The more you write the deeper you go. Sometimes it can be surprising what you discover about yourself.

Good luck! Thank you for reaching out. Please let me know if this was helpful to you.
Diana

Amazon.com

Where can you find Pieces of Me Life of a Recovering Dysfunctional?

Amazon.com:You can get a hard copy or the Kindle edition, Search Pieces of Me Diana Lynn

If you would like to support local bookstores, you can purchase Pieces of Me at:

Park Place Books in Kirkland

OR

Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park.

Thank you for your support!

New website!

It's official. My new website is up. Please come see me at www.recoveringdysfunctional.com